


SAD

by pretendimanauthor



Category: SHINee
Genre: Established Relationship, Fluff, M/M, Mentall Illness, Sad, Seasonal Affective Disorder
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-08
Updated: 2017-02-08
Packaged: 2018-09-22 23:34:14
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 561
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9629921
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pretendimanauthor/pseuds/pretendimanauthor
Summary: jong has seasonal affective disorderwarnings: mental illness, cursing





	

Everything had been going so well. Really, it had. He had started getting up before 8:00am, working out, seeing his friends and family often, progressing in therapy, even  _ juicing _ for fuck’s sake. But here he is. Curled up in bed with the blinds closed. On the verge of tears for no particular reason. Hating himself for all the time he’s wasting.

**Why does this always happen?**

Jonghyun searches for his phone among the tangled sheets, to no avail. He sighs. Why does he even care? There’s nothing but horrific and depressing news on the internet lately.

He’s been drifting in and out of sleep for god know’s how long since he decided to abandon that 5000 word essay.  **Due tonight.** Jonghyun sighs again, imagining the torture of staring at a blank page for another single second, that asshole cursor blinking and taunting him as he struggles to type a decent goddamn sentence.

**What’s the point?**

It’s so, so hard to grasp the tattered remains of his motivation these days. He just doesn’t know how to convince himself that a failed exam or missing essay even matters in the grand scheme of things. Who’s to stop him for laying in bed forever, watching his life go by, doing absolutely nothing ever again?

Jonghyun squeezes his eyes shut, desperate to either stop himself from crying again, or let his profound sadness spill out; he isn’t sure which would be better.

The holidays are his favorite fucking time of year, too, but this always happens. Just as a relatively successful semester is about to end, god decides Jonghyun would be better off feeling ridiculously lonely, anxious, trapped.  **And I start to believe it.**

He tries to remember that this is temporary, that he won’t be depressed forever. It’s just so  _ easy _ to wallow in his poor mental health. So  _ easy _ to hate himself. So _ easy _ to flood his mind with nihilism.

**Nothing matters.**

A quiet buzz beneath Jonghyun’s head dips him back into reality.

A text. From Taemin.

Jonghyun’s heart warms, and he smiles for a second, before remembering that he’s been ignoring Taemin lately, being far too focused on his own feelings. Taemin deserves better.  **He really does.**

“Hey,” it says. He’s still typing, and a string of texts starts to come through.

“I know you’ve been feeling down lately,” Jonghyun’s eyes start to water. Is he making Taemin worried?  _ Fuck _ , he’s a shitty boyfriend.

“So I’m at your front door right now, and I brought a box of those lavender cookies from that cute bakery we went to a couple weeks ago.” Has it been that long since their last real date?  **_Shit._ **

“I know you might not wanna see anyone, and that’s okay, so I can just leave them out here for you.” Jonghyun finally lets himself cry. He quickly replies, afraid that Taemin will leave if he waits too long.

“I love you.”

“I love you, too. I’m here for you.”

“Thanks, Tae.”

“You know that, right? No matter what.”

“Do you have your key?”

“Yeah, why?”

“Come inside.”

Jonghyun sniffs. He glances at his puffy eyes, and attempts to fix his messy hair in the reflection on his phone screen.  **I don’t deserve him.**

“Please,” he adds.

He hears Taemin put his key in the front door, gingerly turning the handle. Jonghyun smiles. 

**But he loves me anyway.**


End file.
